I am a mushroom.

There's really no good reason that I shouldn't be going on lots of dates with lots of beautiful women.  I'm a fungi!  Fun guy, get it?  I know, that was pretty lame. 
But my personality is pretty fun and awesome!  I'm generous, friendly, selfless and actually care what other people think.  And I like to do things that are fun, which can be anything.  Really, I can be entertained by just about anything!  I could probably have fun watching paint dry. I occasionally have fun abusing cliches.  In a perfect world I would spend days drinking good coffee in comfortable European-style cafes writing anything and everything that comes to mind on a stack of legal pads.  I prefer the white paper to the yellow, and in my perfect world I would have readable penmanship, could write at the speed of my brain and my hand would never fatigue.  They would also have unlimited pastries, a varied selection of vintage guitars and a really good music selection that doesn't include pretentious alternative art/punk bands.
Not only that, I have a good sense of humor.  If you looked like me, you would too!  I can make a woman laugh.  Most times I'll have a snarky quip or one-liner that will knock people over.  Non-sequitors are useful in certain instances, but can easily become excessive and baffling.  See recent episodes of "Family Guy."  And if I don't have you rolling on the floor, you can be sure I'll keep you smiling.
So, really, there is no good reason that I shouldn't be going on lots of dates with lots of beautiful women.
Women like to say that a guy's personality is more important than his looks.  Well, we ugly guys know the real truth.  Women are just as shallow and superficial as the men who say they are more interested in a woman's mind.  Believe me, this I know.  I am one of them.  I'm just honest enough to admit it.  In an ideal world, every woman would be a swimsuit model.  But we don't live in an ideal world, and some of us realize that a woman's mind is a wonderful compliment to her physical appearance, as imperfect as she may think it is.  We aren't perfect either, that's for sure.
I got my hair cut this morning and I complained about my receding hairline.  The girl cutting my hair told me that some women actually find it very attractive.  Perhaps there's hope for me yet...