Why do women always seem to go for the bad boy? She may say she's looking to settle down, looking for a nice guy she can take home to Mom, a good guy who will treat her right. But the next time you see her she is with a jerk!
I have a theory. No, it is not that women enjoy misery. The bad boy can get away with being bad because he is good looking. Women will still flock to him like seagulls to a parking lot. If I were extremely attractive, who knows? Maybe I too would be arrogant, self absorbed, selfish, condescending and mean. But I am not so good looking that I can get away with bad behavior. The unattractive man has to win people over with humor, personality and charm. Why do you think there are so many very homely, very popular comedians?
Thus, the nice guy conundrum. Here we stand. We are the "nice guy." That's right, the perpetual resident of the friends zone. We really listen when you speak. We remember what you say. Sure, we'll stare at your chest, but only for a moment, just long enough to satisfy our innate, instinctive male curiosity before we return to gazing at your soul through the windows of your sparkling blue eyes. Or green, brown, hazel... you get the idea.
So when we do finally get her number, after much cajoling, usually at the expense of much soul-crushing self-deprecating humor, she's already decided to be just friends. We're weeping on the inside. Any conversation will inevitably be nothing more than amicable, friendly chatter. No flirtatious banter here. Instead she wants to maybe chat unenthusiastically about the weather, or tell us an anecdote about her day and elicit some anti-romantic non-threatening workplace commiseration.
Then later that evening she will hop on some jerk's motorcycle and pant after him wistfully as he frequently ignores her, imagining the day when he will stop talking up every short skirt in the room and only listen to her stories. Then he will whisk her away on said motorcycle while being chased by assorted jilted lovers who were unable to finally change him into that ultimate combination of dangerous hunter-gatherer and domestic protector-comforter.
I suspect women want some combination of the nice guy and the bad boy -- caring and kind, but also a little bit wild and dangerous. A guy who will make them feel safe, yet a little bit scared. Compassion and confidence. The archetypal romance novel protagonist. When given the option in the real world, however, so many choose the handsome jerk. So the nice guys really do finish last.
Unless they're rich...
Monday, May 31, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
I am a mushroom.
There's really no good reason that I shouldn't be going on lots of dates with lots of beautiful women. I'm a fungi! Fun guy, get it? I know, that was pretty lame.
But my personality is pretty fun and awesome! I'm generous, friendly, selfless and actually care what other people think. And I like to do things that are fun, which can be anything. Really, I can be entertained by just about anything! I could probably have fun watching paint dry. I occasionally have fun abusing cliches. In a perfect world I would spend days drinking good coffee in comfortable European-style cafes writing anything and everything that comes to mind on a stack of legal pads. I prefer the white paper to the yellow, and in my perfect world I would have readable penmanship, could write at the speed of my brain and my hand would never fatigue. They would also have unlimited pastries, a varied selection of vintage guitars and a really good music selection that doesn't include pretentious alternative art/punk bands.
Not only that, I have a good sense of humor. If you looked like me, you would too! I can make a woman laugh. Most times I'll have a snarky quip or one-liner that will knock people over. Non-sequitors are useful in certain instances, but can easily become excessive and baffling. See recent episodes of "Family Guy." And if I don't have you rolling on the floor, you can be sure I'll keep you smiling.
So, really, there is no good reason that I shouldn't be going on lots of dates with lots of beautiful women.
Women like to say that a guy's personality is more important than his looks. Well, we ugly guys know the real truth. Women are just as shallow and superficial as the men who say they are more interested in a woman's mind. Believe me, this I know. I am one of them. I'm just honest enough to admit it. In an ideal world, every woman would be a swimsuit model. But we don't live in an ideal world, and some of us realize that a woman's mind is a wonderful compliment to her physical appearance, as imperfect as she may think it is. We aren't perfect either, that's for sure.
I got my hair cut this morning and I complained about my receding hairline. The girl cutting my hair told me that some women actually find it very attractive. Perhaps there's hope for me yet...
But my personality is pretty fun and awesome! I'm generous, friendly, selfless and actually care what other people think. And I like to do things that are fun, which can be anything. Really, I can be entertained by just about anything! I could probably have fun watching paint dry. I occasionally have fun abusing cliches. In a perfect world I would spend days drinking good coffee in comfortable European-style cafes writing anything and everything that comes to mind on a stack of legal pads. I prefer the white paper to the yellow, and in my perfect world I would have readable penmanship, could write at the speed of my brain and my hand would never fatigue. They would also have unlimited pastries, a varied selection of vintage guitars and a really good music selection that doesn't include pretentious alternative art/punk bands.
Not only that, I have a good sense of humor. If you looked like me, you would too! I can make a woman laugh. Most times I'll have a snarky quip or one-liner that will knock people over. Non-sequitors are useful in certain instances, but can easily become excessive and baffling. See recent episodes of "Family Guy." And if I don't have you rolling on the floor, you can be sure I'll keep you smiling.
So, really, there is no good reason that I shouldn't be going on lots of dates with lots of beautiful women.
Women like to say that a guy's personality is more important than his looks. Well, we ugly guys know the real truth. Women are just as shallow and superficial as the men who say they are more interested in a woman's mind. Believe me, this I know. I am one of them. I'm just honest enough to admit it. In an ideal world, every woman would be a swimsuit model. But we don't live in an ideal world, and some of us realize that a woman's mind is a wonderful compliment to her physical appearance, as imperfect as she may think it is. We aren't perfect either, that's for sure.
I got my hair cut this morning and I complained about my receding hairline. The girl cutting my hair told me that some women actually find it very attractive. Perhaps there's hope for me yet...
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